A Fat State of Mind

"It's Been A While"

2006-11-30T11:59:00.000-08:00

My goodness.

It must have been absolutely ages since I have blogged.
I almost thought I have given up the blogo-sphere, only to return a year later and to issue my thoughts onto this almost real world..

Man, I feel like I matured!

Well, the past year has been a year of changes, losses and gains on all accounts, joy and pain on all levels. But the wonderful thing is, here I am.
I am still here, waning but pushing myself to survive.

I have made a great deal of mistakes to learn from, but I believe I have scarcely used its wisdom. But I will learn eventually.

Weight wise. I think I have reached the weight that I left off on. So I will try to continue from there.

I’ll keep an eye on the blog world so I can keep an eye on a selected few of mine. They know who they are.

Take care.

It Was Inevitable...

2005-12-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

he said.

It was inevitable. To the whole world it was inevitable.
To the whole world but I.

(laughs)

Inevitable.

Today, on a mellower note...

2005-11-22T09:14:00.000-08:00

I stand beside myself sometime.
These days I often find that I have those few moments to myself. During these moments I stand beside myself. I’m usually in a room. With people around me or not, it doesn’t matter.
I stand, in though but not in thought.

A thousand ideas, revelations, revolutions run through my mind. Theories, memories, scenarios, laughs and almost tears. My eyes feel like glass, I don’t recognize what I am staring at even if it’s my own bathroom floor.

My God, its hard living a life when you don’t know where your future lies.
It’s awful when you’ve had a taste of what your future can be and have it unpredictably taken away.

“Was it inevitable?” I was asked once.
“What was?” I, innocently.
“The end.” Stated.
“No”, answered, I. “Last thing on my mind,”.

He once told me I had nice fingers.
He kissed them once. Just once. Just like that. Out of the kindness of his heart. Out of love?
It was the first time we’d seen each other in a while. At that moment, when he said those words, I had someone agree with me. I had one person tell me I had beautiful hands.
What a wonderful moment it was…
A moment I had dreamed and thought about for so damn long.
Another voice said it to me, it was truly not mine, it was someone else’s who told me I have nice hands.
Some one who loved me and I love back.
Loved.

I stand beside myself sometimes.
These days I often find that I have those few moments to myself.

People I Would Like To Donate Fat To

2005-04-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

Yes ladies and Gentlemen i am feeling quite generous today, i have decided, very openly to donate fat! Yes fat, my own fat 100% Egyptian meat, matured for 19 years on the best quality food around...

Okie i know it sounds really odd, but keep reading, i make absolute sense here!

Alas, a revelation, i can provide people who are less fortunate then myself, ie . REALLY SKINNY! or just thin, with some good quality fat. it will fill up thier jeans and give them a social life, let them go to the gym etc.

And i will have a policy agreement ofcourse, that they should have the fat for 12 months if they should see to it to return it, ie. my return policy. In the clauses as well they would have to attend a gym for 6 months and follow a strict 1,250 calorie per day diet.
Therefore, by the time that they might consider returning it, they would have lost the fat anyway...Intelligent yes..Cunning...hmmm..u decide! :P

So here comes the list, a few people that i would love to donate fat to:

1.Paris Hilton.
Rather than looking like a over fried chicken, she would look like an overfried duck. Maybe it would also start her a career in plus size modeling..

2. The Aneroxic Carpenter lead singer, God bless her soul.
If she could have just waited a few more years, i would have saved her!

3. Healthy Chick in my steps class.
Honestly, i dont understand why the hell she puts herself through the pain of Steps class twice a week?! and her body is great! I swear it! I just look at her and turn green with envy, and admiration of course, im aiming for that figure.

4. Angelina Jolie.
She mentioned that she didnt have any meat around her; Butt, legs, arms...
Angy... i am more than happy to donate any amount into all these areas, provided ofcourse that you donate some breast and lips to me, we know too much it too much, be generous, give some away to the less fortunate.

5.My brother.
If you had a look at his legs you'd understand what i mean. i think i was born with his share of fat.
Nuff Said.

6. Girl in my school whom i deteste, but actually pity now.
I would be glad to show her who the better woman is and give her some of my fat, might make her a better person with her having my happy fat flowing inside her veins.

7. The actor from the "New Guy" movie, you see, this guy, he is lovely, but just too skinny. I think if i donate some fat to him, he may burn it into muscle. I dont think its possible yet, but any new aspiring scientist, i said it first!

5. Starving people in Africa.
Realisation for my good friend "F", who said we should donate some fat to the starving people in Africa.
Not only would we be losing fat, but also a sort of "Zakat".

6. Jennifer Aniston, the closer the Friend's episodes came to a finish, the more weight she loses and loses! the show is over now, has she decreased ionto a a pencil woman sketch, honestly, she is a frame with no picture. No wonder Brad Pitt left her.

7. Brad Pitt.
(I dont want to donate fat to him, i just wanted to say his name) Sigh

8. Kangy.
This guy here in the College. He is in dire need of some blubber.

9.Anna Nicole-Smith.
She's easier to laugh at and pity when she's fat.

10 Uma Thurman.
i can give her fat she can give me some kung fu tricks.

11. Hannibal Lecter.
Wel if he wants some good lard for cooking human flesh, mine will give it that extra egyptian flavour. (imagine if all people of the world donated fat, what amazing flavours they will bring! imagine Indian flavoured lard!)

12.Kiera Knightly
She just has no bloody flesh on her, she can use some fat in all the right places.
Did you see her outfit in "King Arthur" she was easily wrapped in ribbons.

Hmmm..i cant think of anyone else at the moment, but i also suggest i open a sort of "Fat Bank" . I think it would have no disadvantages really, people who have fat can lose it healthily and for a good purpose, and the people who need fat can find it easily without having to go through grueling diets etc!

What do you think?
Any body else you would like to add to my list please add them on!

The Red Lounge

2005-04-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

Coming to you from my very own bedroom, your very own beetroot!

Hello and hello and more hello’s!!

I am waiting for my dad to wake up and take me to the gym, so I thought, hey why not? Come over here and post an entry!

Well firstly, thank u for all my readers who kept up with me even though I have been a tardy (reduced) bum!

Well, I failed to mention a few things that I wanted to tell you about last entry, do u remember Daddy Long Legs? Yes him!! The guy who keep bumping into me!
He has returned, oh yes! And worse than ever.
At a Thursday aerobics class, I happened to be standing next to him, and he seriously has coordination issues!
I think he might have some sort of disability, because he could not keep up at all, and I was trying to hold in my laughter the whole time, and I know its cruel and all etc. but he needs to go to a rave, he was waving his arms with 2kg dumbbells, which happened to bump into me on four different occasions, and when we had some aerobic steps around the room, he would never get the steps right and I would almost walk into him!
It subjected me to even tell him “ew3a yabny” in my native Egyptian accent. Thankfully he doesn’t understand Arabic and the music was quite loud.
I was willing to push him away, but he was all sweaty and stinky I was worried that I might break him or something!

I got 70% on my Political Science Mid Term! SCOOOORE! I am proud of myself, considering that I didn’t even understand half of the questions because they were in Arabic!

What else?!?!?!

Oh yes, my weight, I am really sick and tired of being overweight. I know I’m losing it and all. But I just want to get rid of it, you know? Sometimes I wonder, didn’t it get bored of my body? Can’t it go away and find someone else’s life and make it miserable?

Oh just some thoughts, well I finally set up my short story and poetry blog, please do check it out! http://theredlounge.blogspot.com

Diet stats:

Tuesday:

Breakfast:

1 Banana
1 yoghurt
7 dates
1 grapefruit

Snack:

1 Non Fat Caramel Machiatto
1/4 Caramel waffle (my dad had the rest)

Lunch:

1 serving salad
1 serving grilled chicken
1 grapefruit

Daddy darling is awake, must go now!
Do check my new blog and tell me what you think!
Love love, kiss kiss!

Apologies, Apologies!

2005-04-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen!
Ever so sorry for not posting an entry since...since...forever!

Well i apologize once more, i feel i am basking in my shame here, but i do have an excuse for it!
I got food posining the day after i posted my last entry, so i was stuck at the "residence" for a weekend, t'was awful!
But i am much better thankfully, excuse numero Dos: i had midterms, they are plaguing my whole April.

Diet has been going all right, havent wieghed myself yet, but I have gotten visible and tangible achievement! I can wear a size 20 skirt! i know it sounds really pathetic, but i had to wear a skirt due to my jeans tearing (they tore due to over use! ), i had to wear size 24 until now! :)
A pair of jeans still comes at a size 24 for me, (i tried one in one of the malls) but for once, my ass didnt look like it was a seperate entity to the rest of my body!

What else, what else! oh yes, my ballroom dance class, i am HOOKED! i was even described by the staff as being "graceful" yes, moi, graceful..and ofcourse you get the several comments in the class...sigh..well i guess i got "rhydem" as the great sean paul would say!
Speaking of sean paul, i have a strange urge to start shaking my bum..
"Shake that thing.." Okie back to the blog..

Where was I? Oh yes, well i have been considering having a sort of short story blog, might come back to that and start it soon. Keep on a look out for it!

Must go now, diet stats for tha day:

Breakfast:

6 dates
1 Strawberry youghurt
Water (does that count? coz i had LOADS of it!)

Lunch:

Lentil soup
Salad
Paramasan cheese (does that count as well)
And my Stroke of Pure Genius with bananas (will explain later)
I didnt have any meat today!? (shock, shock, horror, horror)

Snack:
1 banana

So far so good, keep me in your prayers, and do stop by..

Going off to study!

The Duchess of Padua....

2005-03-30T01:56:00.000-08:00

"I see when men love women
They give them but a little of their lives,
But women when they love give everything;
I see that, Guido, now."
The great words of Oscar Wilde, from the Duchess Of Padua, a failed play, but I had a monologue by the main Lead, the Duchess..Durr..

Coming to from the sanctity of my home, specifically my dining table whilst watchin “In the Line of Fire”, your very own sadistic beetroot...

Yes Ladies and gents, I am still not a happy bunny, I know its been a week etc, etc, bas I did have some moments of absolute elation like when I passed my acting exam!! Yeah I did! With distinction thank God, I was really pleased with myself and so were my tutors

Diet wise, don’t worry I have been going all right, and I have been trying to eat a little bit of everything so I am trying to introduce small amounts of bread, preferably the crispy kind, full fibre ones, but I still get the stomach aches and nauseous feeling I used to get when I dieting fiercely 4 years ago. So I am considering it a blessing and forgettin about bread all together, this is my 4th day trying to integrate wheat carbs into my diet and all I get is a tummy ache, so I guess its out.
I have been working on my veggies a lot as well, trying to cut down on my meats etc,no I only eat 1 serving a day of meat/chicken fish etc. For example, if I am having some for dinner , then I wouldn’t have any for lunch.
I made a big mistake! I ate some shawerma that they make at the university cafeteria and oh my God, the stomach ache I had all day is undescribable! It was awful, and I had it without bread of course! But the tummy ache, shit, I will never eat anything from that cafeteria again! Their salads make me nasuous, and everything else there is fried I have no idea how these girls in university manage to keep in shape with all the saturated fats they eat!
I have gotten a habit of bringing my own lunch, I pack yoghurts with me to uni, and I eat them in the campus stadium, they have this little garden, where I rest and change my view, just greenery..sigh..
I even fell asleep there once, last Wednesday, just put my head on my bag and closed my eyes and felt myself drift off into slumber, it was beautiful…

Well what else?
In my aerobics class, I finally can keep up with the full routines and my bum has reduced! It doesn’t say so on the weigh or on my measurement tape, but I can see it!
My dance classes are going great, my class that I attended on Saturday, I actually had a male partner, Alleujah! And he was Kuwaity, real sweetheart, and he has got rhythem! And he’s not to bad on the looking side either, but I am taken..sigh….
Monday, I had another partner, who was a wonderful dancer, one of the lovely couple at my salasa class advised me to have him as a partner as he is “ a great dancer” and he IS! He taught me the “switch body lead” steps, and everyone was watching us work at it, he’s a fab teacher!

Oh well, diet stats:

Breakfast:

Beleela with raisins
1 grapefruit

Snack:
1 high energy fiber bar
1 scoop low fat raspberry sherbet ice cream
1 juice

Lunch
1 grilled chicken
1 medium sized plate of salad
1 scoop of cooked peas
2 bread rusks

Dinner
2 dinner rusks with cottage cheese
Beleela
1 youghurt
3 strips fresh cucumber with 6 slices fresh tomato

Thanks for keeping up with my blog, thanks for all your support!

Off to get some slumber, going into the gym tomorrow at 12 pm.

I Want You To Need Me....

2005-03-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

Coming to you live, From the Jaber Al Sabah Library, at...(let me look at my watch)...8.20 bloody am, ( i dont think i am actually awake yet) your very own...sour beetroot...

Good Morning everyone, yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, i am awake THIS early and at the library. My morning lecture was cancelled, so yours truly has to suffer the pain of being up this early with an inactive brain..(see i am not making sense am i? i am still asleep)...oh bloody hell..

WELLY, i am not a happy bunny, and nor was i yesterday...just too much stress i guess, my uni, the housework ( i dont have a housekeeper to help out), my work that i need to get doing isA, and my acting exam on thursday! ARGH!
AS i mentioned before he told me to tell him when i am depressed, well i did that!

My God, i am a sad blob... arnt i?

Welly, what else?
After i was done with the housework after lunch yesterday, i was planning to change, pray and then start studying, i found myself collapsing on my bed and after i was done, i just drifted off completely. I was out of the building, totally, right there on my furry pillow, in my jeans and undies with the bloody curtain open!
and then an ear blasting prodigy ringtone comes through and reach over and grab my mb hoping it would be someone who matters , i ATTEMPT to look and try and focus on the name, and i notice its my drama buddy,...DAMN IT!
I answer in a very distraught hello and hear an even distraughter "hey" back from him...poor love has been sick for the past 3 days and didnt answer my calls on monday (he was needed to practice his monolouges but didnt pick up) because he was so out of it, he apologized like 3 times and then told me the dillema of the fact that his exam was on tuesday, and he cant go and perform becoz of his ailment...
he tried to call our drama tutors, didnt work out and he's asking for another's number..so i re assured him, made some phonecalls and as i called him back, our drama tutor called in as well..
problem solved, his exam was to be on the same day as mine, he is still as unsure as i am about the exam and is under so much stress...i told him i felt the same way too..sigh..but he has a cold, my troubles run deeper than that...

WELLY, i went to my steps class yesterday, and yes i improved! hehe, i can do most of the steps in tune with the instructress and dont have to take a break to catch my breath during sets of movements, i am truly proud of that achievement, i tried to get out my anxiety as i worked, and it did, but as soon as i went back home, it began again..
maybe i need to zen out my room or something...

WELLY, at the class the other day, there was this old man, well not really old, maybe mid 40s, poor dude, he had no co-ordination what so ever..i just wanted to help him out and tell him which moves to perform, he gave up anyway...shame.

What else?
Oh yes, my abs class...
Well after my steps class i decided to pull my mat closer to the front so that i can see the instructress better and perform the sets from her, as usually whenever i sit in the back of the class, i get around a dozen sets of legs and arms blocking my field of vision.
SO yours truly, bravely, pulls a mat around the centre of the room and i had a clear view, and then this LONG and i mean LOOOOOONG pair of hairy legs step right next to me and lay a mat next to mine, and this dude, whom i will refer to as "Frenchy-with-daddy-long-legs" decides to sit his little, teeny weeny french bum right next to me..yes i noticed his bum, becoz his shorts were BARELY covering it, i was wondering whether he was gay or not..i dont mind gay ppl, i would love to have a gay best friend and by gay i mean male guy gay...
hehe okie, sod it..
Anyway back to "Frenchy-With-Daddy-Long-Legs", and he seemed as clueless as a fly with a blue flower, and he was kinda cute...ANYWAY! hehe..back to issue at hand, yes, more than once he would nearly smack his leg right into mine, and i would just shift my mat away, and then he would stretch his legs out even more and then "Wack!" hits me! WTF?!
Honestly, why the hell is he even working out, he doesnt need it, he should be like a model person thing...actually i have been told that if it wasnt for my weight, i would be a model because of my face and my height!
BACK TO THE CLASS!! (my God i tend to drift off..still not awake and still unhappy bunny),yes, i was quite proud of my work out, i had a really good break of sweat...i considered weighing myself, but i resisted, i want to weigh myself weekly, i will see results better that way..

Diet stats so far:

Breakfast:

1/4 quantity beleela (we ran out) with raisins
x1 Youghurt
x1 Grapefruit (i am actually starting to get used to it!)
x1 multi vitamin

snack: (predicted):
1 youghurt
1 Caramel Machiatto (skimmed)

I still havent had the rest of the meals today, so i will prolly pass by later for a jiffy and post them in!

Everybody: thank you for your support, you really gave this bunny a reason to smile this morning! I love you guys! MUAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Back to the "Complete works of Oscar Wilde" in lamer terms: "Slumber"

ZzZZzZ....

Don't you know pump it up? You gotta Pump it Up!

2005-03-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

"Coming to you, Live, from the Jaber Al Sabah Library, your very own Human Beetroot!"

Yes Ladies and Gentleman, my ego status has changed, and i am giving myself a bloody break, you may refer to me as the Human beetroot, and how did i aquire this intresting sweet vegetable description, well if you'd see my face after an intensive Aerobics class, you would...truly understand why!

Well now results have pulled in ladies and gentlemen, after my work on sunday i pulled myself together and i weighed myself on the original weighing thingy with the things u have to plop across for the weight and i weighed in at ...
Ahem..Drum rolls please...

113 KG!

I LOST 3 KGS!!
"Yeah, do the victory dance, to the victory dance, o yeah, o yeah!" (i did do the victory dance, but in the safety of the empty changing room!)

Thank God!
I was just jumping with joy, my jeans are actually looser now, and my dad doesnt want me to wear them anymore coz they just look baggy etc! but i dont mind it!
the thing is i still dont fit my other jeans, so when i lose more i will isA be able to wear them! :) (i actually went home and tired on all of my jeans, just to check ! hehe)
Yes, yours truly is quite pleased with herself..

And thanks u guys for keeping your support and input, it really did help me! :)

well, yesterday, i had a steps class, and people i am FINALLY getting a hand of all the those moves that we have to do, i did the "V step" right most of the time, i was so proud of myself! and i even told the instructress and she just looked at me like i had a booger sticking out of my nose and was like "thats great! good for you" i think she thought i was wierd, but she has no idea how much this achievement meant to me!

but after my steps class we had an abs class and i started to get these really weird cramps around the back of my legs, near my calves and upper thighs, and i couldnt perform my excericises properly..and i think it was lack of H2O and even though i drank a lot of water before i went to class!

And i got home really knackered out, and i think it was just lack of energy, i think i havent taken enough vitamins with my diet, you always need a vitamin supplement when dieting, thats what many nutritionalists, is that true?
so i guess the lack of energy and cramps could be caused by that.

What else?
Oh yeah!
Saturday, i had ballroom dancing class! yes in my gym! Gosh it was fun!
AND i realised that i have a good grasp of rhythem!(did i spell that right?!)
We learned the salsa and i am so proud of myself, i feel like i am in one of those dance movies, and soon i am going to be in some competition and fall in love with my partner..
Hold on i am already in love...whoopsy dee! hehe
well on the Love front, i was quite upset with LOML, coz of his lack of calling me, sigh, but he made up for it again..i am glad he can apologise for his mistakes, and i just cant be bothered to give him attitude. He doesnt need or deserve it either.
he goes through enough stuff already for me to add on to him, you know, sometimes i get soooooooo depressed, as i was yesterday, and i just want to tell him i am depressed, but what can he do?
He cant come to my side, or call me up...and i would be mad at him anyway for not contacting me in a while, and he'd be like "i dont need this right now". because that happened before..i guess men just need someone to let out thier anxiety to, or just spill it out to. what do you think?

I spoke to him about it yesterday, or more like today morning,and he said that if i am depressed i should tell him straight up and not keep it to myself. That i shouldnt be passive and i should just be myself. But nobody wants to be with a nag now do they??

Welly, as i was thinking, if i stay at the rate of weightloss i am at, by July, God willing, i would reach my natural/normal wieght. i should lose isA 55 Kgs...holy bumholio i know, but with 3 down i got (54, 53, 52 )...ah yes...51kg to go!( i bet you guys could actually hear my brain working there! hehe)

welly, this is my diet stats so far:

breakfast:

beleela, raisins, 1 youghurt (ran out of grapfruit! AGAIN!)

Snack:

Caramel Machiatto (non fat)
1 Youghurt

Lunch:

(didn't have it yet!)

Welly, these are the updates so far! hope everyone is proud of me!
Please keep up your support, i really need it!

MUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHZ!

"Its Peanut Butter Jelly time, Peanut butter jelly time!"

2005-03-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

Coming to you live from the Jabar al Sabah library...(yes i wrote Jabar, only recently did they change it after i noticed it and told my dad about it and he called the Uni and told them about it and tghey FINALLY changed it! Man how many years has the library been open and they had teh spelling of teh Amir's anme wrong! man i shoulda photographed it and posted it on here!) hee hee hee.. neways, back to my intro...
...Your very own, Tub of melting Lard!

Yes people, i am melting, and i CAN FEEL IT now, my jeans are looser, slightly looser around the tum tum, and i measured my waist length, i lost about half an inch, so that is SOOO fab! thank u everybody for your support and comments and please keep them coming in!

How was my weekend?
pretty hectic really! i am still broke and waiting to get paid isA on the 21st! i am considering to buy a digital camera, sort of an investment for my artistic work (as well as acting in my Drama school i am also the Chief Designer, i do sets and costumes) ., as it would assist me in taking photos of sets which i can transfer onto a P.C and work from there!

People keep advising me to get the 6 or 7 Mega pixel Digital Camera, and i went along to ask for the prices and they are bloody expensive! ( i feel like such a cheapskate!)
Like around 116 KD for a Sony Digital Camera with 6 Mega Pixels! and to be honest with u, the only difference between that camera and the 5 Mega Pixel Camera is 22 KD!(okie now to mention it its not a lot of money) But i can take 15 kd of those 22 Kd and buy myself an extra memory chip for the camera!
i could see no difference in the resolution bladeee bla, they looked exactly the same!
well i am hoping to do a skimming for the camera and buy one isA this weekend! if anyone has some advice regarding the camera please to tell yours truly! i will be looking fwd to know! I need a camera with a suitable resolution 5 MGP +, if it has "panoramic/landscape" photographing that would be a plus (i would like to take full stage photos!) , suitable price (less than 100 kd would be great!)good zooming and can adapt to different conditions and can be some what heavy duty! (i aint gona smack it on the ground, but just it can be easily stashed in my bags or taken to Egypt and it can somewhat RESIST!) honestly, i think if somthing or anything, or ANYBODY can survive Cairo, they can go through anything! like the saying goes "SURVIVE CAIRO!The rest of the world it easy"

welly, what else? well i had a sociology presentation earlier, which i had prepared for the other day and it went on really well! the girls in my class really enjoyed the lecture. one of the even told me that i was better than the Proffessor! i actually told her to shush, i dont want him to feel bad etc,coz that just might back lash onto me!
well i felt i sort of upstaged him, and he saw that the grls were really into what i was talking about and understanding well...and when the lecture was finished, he didnt comment at all and when i said good bye to him he didnt even respond...hmmm...well i didnt do anything bad at all..what do you think?
well another thing in my presentation, i created a new theory, i call it the "The Canvas Theory" in which is relates to the Socialization Process for humans...okie! let me explain! ( i am so excited i know it sounds like absolutly useless info to you ppl, but i just want to mention it! i am so proud of myself! hee hee hee)
(ahem) so as i was saying...The Canvas Theory, through studying sociology and past cases we have a hypothesis believeing that infants need to be exposed to society and have social experiences to be able to think and talk etc, and do all the humanly functions that humans do, they do not come naturally, its nurtured into us, and which in results manifests our personality..." a person's certain pattern of acting, thinking and feeling"...
Now when we are born, we are like an empty canvas, white and plain.
Our first social experience or interaction comes through our parents, so let us give our canvas a light blue wash, because the parents are the base.
2nd comes religious belief, that is the second thing that influences us and adds into out lives, so that can be hills.
3rd, Friends, they have a substantial influence on the people we are, so they are trees ( i drew little palm trees on the board while i was explaining hee hee hee)
4th, Education, and they can be the rivers flowing through those trees and over the hills..and as the rivers are continusly flowing (man, i love my symbolism)
5th, Life experiences, they can be good, which would be the birds flying in the sky, and they can be bad, which would be rain clouds..
and the picture could go on and on, but u get the main idea!!
what do u think?

when i drew the picture in full on the board, i made it really dramatic in the end, i said that "if a child didnt go through that experience, they become like this.." and i wiped my hand right across the pretty picture i drew...
i think i made quite an impact on the grls and i saw a lot of nodding and "Ooo" and "yeah" and "eeee fehemt" and i was hoping that they meant it!!

It takes around 40 days to quit smoking am i correct? or to get it out of your system?
I remember meeting this guy once, real idiot with a gigantic gherkin shoved up his backside, he told me that he started smoking when he left school, so that no one tells him off and he doesnt have to do all that sneaking about in school, and when a frnd told him that he's addicted to smoking etc, he "proved" to him that he isnt addicted by quitting smoking for 40 days (to show him that he can quit and resist and that he isnt addicted) and when he was done, he began smoking again, just to show him that it was his choice and that he had self control..now when i heard him, i just laughed, that was the biggest pile of bull i have ever heard, and if he did mean it, then he must be a down right plonker for gettin back to smoking! i told him some fact and figures about smoking etc, but i didnt want to preach, i know smokers dont enjoy being told not to smoke bladee bla and they know half the facts anyway!
Apparently, i read in a health magazine...(okay maybe not a health magazine, it was Glamour, but in the health section!! )..as i was saying, that it takes 10 years for an ex-smoker's risk of lung cancer to drop to normal level, and there was another fact that i just cant remember right now...:Smmmm So yeah! all you smokers, quit now, i know 10 years is a long time, but it gets shorter when u start!

welly, i think i have babbled on enough already!

Diet stats so far:

Friday:

Breakfast:
beleela, strawberries, raisins, youghurt and 1 grapefruit

Lunch:
Grilled Chicken
Salade (ran out of grapefruits!)

Dinner:
1 Apple
1 youghurt
1 Grapefruit! (bought them finally, God bless our local co-op)

Saturday:

Breakfast:
1 youghurt
1 grapefruit
(too lazy to heat the beleela etc!)

Snack:
1 Caramel Machiatto and all the contents were skimmed with no sugar
I youghurt (i will be having that in a few mins!)

Lunch:
Prolly the same as yesterday, but i will add it on later!!

Welly, i hope the diet keeps going strong! and thanks again for all your support! i couldnt have gotten this far without ur input and pushing me on! (really i mean it!)

Off to eat that youghurt...

Food GLORIOUS food

2005-03-16T13:17:00.000-08:00

Coming to you live, from KU, ur very own (reducing in inches..horaay! ) tub of lard!

Yes ladies and Moe, i have reduced! its happening, really happening!!! Sigh, yours truly is pleasently pleased, and still pleasantly plump!
so how did my last few days go?

Welly, diet wise so far so good, i have been in very good control of my food and though that i have discovered a number of theories that i am sure might switch on some lights on some things your subconsious already knew and ur consious just wants to cover up!
like for example. when we g to buffet's welly , maybe not nessecarily you, but ME, i eat like i am never gona see that food again! yeah, strange belief, but it really happens, so we need to realise that we can eat all we want, and it will taste just as good in small portions as they do in 15 servings, they dont get better the more we eat!
Also, when we want to eat, do we NEED to eat or WANT to eat? let me define it into modern talk ie:
tummy talk: grumbling and churning (i am hungry!Feed me)or (i am full of gas! release me!)
which we get fooled with our brain talk:
Brain: (Studying sociology..) Man i 'want' to have some cheesecake , resulting in one eating everything that is colored in white, yellow and red!
what do you think?!

lety me start with my aerobic classes, well your truly has not only taken up aerobic classes but also "Steps" classes and they are bloody amazing..you know i thought they wouldnt be too hard, my God i was WROONNG! they were so intense,and some of the sequence (notably one called the "V-Step") i could never get correctly, first time i attended the class i only got it right once our of 40 times i think! yesterday, maybe 5 times (and i am being very generous towards myself!)
welly, what else happened in the class?? O yes! i think that the whole club now truly agrees to teh fact that i have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge asss!! no seriously, i DO! its like, humungous, and the pants i wear in excercising don't help, they like enlarge them even more!
and i remember when we had stretches and the whole class had to face my direction, they would all look at my bum! and i would be just PRAYING to God that my underwear wasnt having a stage debut...no really, it was very disturbing!
it gets even worse when i am in teh abs class, sometimes i just cant get all the excercises right, due to some intense pain in my back (which is beggining to worry me) of the extensive worry that my undies are on display (one does worry when one is wearing "Little Miss Sunshine" knickers) or the unintended fart that might be triggered with the intensity of the classes..yes i had to mention that! its a probabilty too whether you like it or not!

Welly, among my classes was another aerobics class which in total we were 3 females (including the instructress) and around 11 males..well this time around the men, OMG! there was this one guy, he was really, REALLY going for it! he was jumpy all the time, he would really twist along to the moves, and i just felt like punching him or maybe giving him a wedgie?? hmmmm
anyway!!!! back to reality,

i think i should name myself the "Human Rhubarb", my face just looks like i have been standing upside down for an hour! (maybe thats why everyone ahs been looking at me funny too...hmmmm)

welly, what else, OH YA! i have been wieghed, oh the horrror, oh the pain and i weigh in at 116 KG!!! HOLY BUMHOLIO i know..and this isnt just any weigh, its a pro wieght in the club!
i was really bummed and then i went home and i measured myself! and Guess what!! i lost 2 inches on my tummy, on my bum and on my hips!!!! HORAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesults!!! yes it is a great feeling, and then i was confornted witha n wful truth, the fact that i tried to wear my prom dress which consisted of a corset dress and the corest wouldnt fit me anymore, it took me around 2hours of trying ( i swear to you i am not exaggerating) i even had my dad help me and that didnt work either..sigh.. i was meant to wear it for my acting exam on the 24th of this month..yeah i am gettin really nervous...

Welly, thank you for all your support you guys,ur the best! muah muah muah!

diet stats:

Tuesday:

Breakfast:
Beleela with raisins
Youghurt

Lunch:
Grilled chicken
Salade

Dinner:

x2 youghurt pineapple and apricot
1 Grapefruit
Beleela with raisins

Wednesday:

Breakfast:

Apricot Youghurt
Beleela with raisins
1 WHOLE grapefruit (my tastebuds havent recovered)

Snack:

Corn in the cup, with little butter, salt and loads lemon and pepper
Pineapple juice

Lunch:

Salad
Grilled Burger (forgot to defrost the chicken! had to go for drasric measures)
Pineapple Yoghurt
1 grapefruit (pooor, pooor tastebuds!)

these are the stats so far, God willing i will keep control! and to all of you outhere who want to diet, you can do it! its all a matter of mind control, you control your tummy, and it takes time! loadsa time!!!

Gota go and work on my lines, "I Bid your all Aduei"
Adeiu? Adieu? Adue?

OH SOD IT!

Yes I CAN!

2005-03-13T02:20:00.000-08:00

I’M MELTING? I AM MELTING! HORAAY!

From Kuwait, your newly, MELTING tub of Lard!

And before I begin, I just want to thank everyone who commented with advice and support, I really, REALLY appreciate it. You are wonderful people, you put a smile on my face when no body else does..

Yes people, I am melting, and I feel it! Not melting by the heat, but really melting through exercise and dieting! I don’t feel like my clothes are getting super loose just yet but I feel my muscles especially in my arms, abs and legs…oh and I guess the acheing back counts as muscle building? (I hope)

Welly, yesterday was quite a hectic day, I had a business breakfast, which I admit I pigged out on, yes I did. I had too much bread than I should have.
It was PAUL”S okay, like the best bloody bread is made there..and well, it was BUSINESS, that doesn’t count now does it? (it does I know, dang it!! Is there anyone out there on my side?!)
Oh yes, food stats for Thursday:

Breakfast: 10 am
4 dates and milk (at home before meeting)

x2 bready sticks and 2 bread rolls (yes I am awful and I deserve to be punished)
x1 omellette with mushrooms (mushroom melts cholesterol!)
x2 fresh strawberry juice!

Lunch/Dinner: 9 pm

Tabouleh
Iceberg lettuce
Other greeny and purple lettuce
Mushrooms
Salmon (smoked)
Kubbeh
Roast turkey

I know 10 am and 9 pm, not good but I didn’t have a single break at all after I had breakfast. I had work and then I had to rehearse my acting piece to my drama tutor after that and thn I had to take a taxi off to the gym!

Oh YOU MUST HEAR THIS! Actually, read this…oh nevermind..
WELLY, as I was at the gym, they had these Aerobics class, and I attended that, it was a mixed class.
So in I go and there were these 2 other men there, all in their late 40s to 50’s (I am being very generous here!).
And then these 4 other men come in, same range of age and all burly, and belly claden in shorts and tight t-shirts, (yes, initially, it was rather disturbing ) and then the intructress comes in and begins the class.. OMG!
That class was a sight for sore eyes! I realized that men never get over their poor co ordination issues with age. MY GOD!
The classic moment: the instructress wanted us to walk in the “Grapevine” step, where one leg geos behind the other, and it was hard enough doing it on the horizontal, and she wanted us to move in a square shape doing the grapevine!
HOLY BUM! I just stopped and laughed and laughed! It was too much! Thes old men, were staring at their feet, bumping into each other and swearing in Arabic!
CAN YOU IMAGINE!
I just cracked up and so did the instructress…i guess that’s a move she needs to get rid of!
Every time I remember I just crack up!
The time I felt that they were all starig at me, I think they thought i was just taking it so seriously, or that my trousers were torn and they could see my underwear..considering the undies I was wearing, I really taunted (I was just praying to God between my gasps for air that I was fully concealed).
All self conscious issues aside I admit, I was getting muddled in the start but I got the hang of it later..
I remember clearly, having that feeling that I was almost going to give up, I was getting too tired and my moves were getting sloppy, but I’d push myself, and I would move my limps in the static aerobic moves, force my body to defy its own limits!
I would smile at myself, look at my rhubarb coloured face and feel great.

I am going over to the gym in around an hour, get my body moving again, another aerobics class and maybe some martial arts! Wish me the stamina!!

Food Stats so far:

Breakfast: 11.30 am

Beleela with 2 teaspoons of sugar and chopped coconut
Strawberry Youghurt
1 orange

LUNCH: 2.00 pm

Kuebeh, 1 ice berg lettuce with light Italian sauce (which I made!)
2 strawberries

I hope to have another ice berg lettuce for dinner with the Italian sauce if I am hungry because some of my fab readers advised me to stick to meats/proteins and salads! (Lub u! muah!) But I think I will, coz one of my lubly jubly commenters advised me to eat small meals to keep my metabolism up!

Welly, off I go to get ready for the gym, wish me laughter filled classes and hope that I can keep up my stamina!!

And I would like to end this entry with one of my favourite lines from “The Nutty Proffessor”… “Can I do it? Yes I can, YES I can, Yes I CAN!” (I’ll keep that in mind)

"Life has a funny way helping you out, helping you out.."

2005-03-09T04:42:00.000-08:00

Ever so sorry I havent produced any entries since…since…since EVER! Oh My God I am such a cruel and awful person and I am sure all of u got sick and tired of the fat tub of lard who wont ever have any entries!!
But I beseech you, do wait!! For I have much to tell!

Wellly, let me start this off properly..

Coming to you live, your very own Lurpack cube coming to you locally from your very own Kuwait!

Yes ladies and ladies, and gentleman (that goes for you moe!!)

I am back in town, and more enthusiastic than ever!!

Yesterday, was my first day there, and I have achieved what I thought was the impossible I jogged for 25 mins straight YES 25mins! Okay, it a long time when your on the treadmill, this coming from someone who could never jog one lap without stopping at least 3 times!
Yes 25 min, non stop..i was almost going to break into “I’ve got the power” dance in there! (I did manage a few sways and twists while I was on the treadmill, much to the amusement of the fellow treadmillers)
Sigh, what an achievement… and soon it will be 30 mins and hopefully an hour!! That would be killer!!
Yours truly cannot wait for that!!

Here are my food stats so far:

Breakfast:
4 dates and a glass of milk
Mango juice (I got madly hungry before class)

Snack:

Caramel machiatto with no sugar and half a chocolate twist (I ate only HALF!)

Lunch:

Wholemeal croissant with cold cut chicken and some bread with another cold cut chicken with a cheese triangle. (okay I know I went wrong there, but it was just THERE, in front of my eyes!)
3 tablespoon fulls of pasta (I just cooked it, I had to have a taste..and no One spoonful wasn’t enough, don’t believe me? You wouldn’t understand, you haven’t tried my pasta!)
4 dates

So far… not bad, could have been better, but better than what I used to devour before!

(yawn), must sleep...

2005-02-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

"Coming to you Live from Crazy Cairo, your very own Fat Tub of Lard..."

Yes ladies and ladies, okie FINE, and gentlemen, i havent had an ego change, any moral boost, or any , ANY wieght Loss..
Yes, as my bestfriend would say, "Pity me, Please,"

Welly, what can i say? My fat status count has not improved at all, even worse, i believe i have gained even MORE weight.

I had a family occasion last night which included yours truly to take some photos, and we had them 'unfortunately' developed today...and my God, i am a FAT TUB OF LARD! No, i kid you not, i look like one of those big cubic packs of Lurpack butter..
my face looks like a pink maraschino cherry with a Britney Spears blonde wig on..so you can imagine, Lurpack butter pack with a maraschino cherry on top..not a pleasant sigh, not AT ALL!!

i even refused to look at the rest of the pictures, i can imagine how awful i looked, now i know where that wieght i lost has been. haunting me.
Bloody hell..

I really feel awful, the weight i gained is exactly the weight i lost.. OKie, maybe i dont know for sure just yet coz i didnt weigh myself, but still, i would notice!

But now, i dont know what to bloody do..my jeans have become so tight and i look like i have shawerma stacks for thighs. My God, who would even give me a second look with all that fat.
You know, being in Cairo, i was quite suprised that i didnt find a single case of obesity in women, only in men. So its either these girls are very weight consious, or poverty has been great to them!! Hmm..i wonder, where is the most improvished region in the world right now..
NO NO! that is cruel thinking, shut up brain, shut UP!
Okie fine, how about in Egypt??
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Sorryyy! I was just trying to help..
Thanks but no thanks..
but there is this area nearby...
Really?? What? NO NO!! SHUT UP!! SHUSH!!
No, Ladies and Ladies, and Gentlmen, i am not a scitzo, but with all this fat, you'd think i would have some double identity issues!?!? I wonder if that sounds right..anyway..

Back to Cairo...well i have been here for around 10 days, and i am sorry if people have been following my progress, but as you can see, it isnt as impressive, but i DO promise you, soon, a clamp down will happen, food will be controlled, excercise maintained, and excellent weight result reached, hopefully by the summer...
Psssst! It won't happen that fast...
SHUSH! cant you see i am speaking!
I know, i know, but it isnt healthy...
hmmm...

Ahem, welly, maybe i should reach the same result i had reached 4 years ago that summer, just drop to that size 18 again.

You know, i am just remincing, how i gained it all back. I think it is mainly due to over confidence. I guess i thought myself as immune to that fat because i had lost weight before and it surly wasnt coming back. and everytime i ate somthing that i thought was fattening i would complain to my family and they would tell me "well, rememeber how you were before, you not there anymore"
When i complain to them now, they just tell me "Your going to lose it, dont worry" i guess i did gain a lot.
Sigh.

As well as that, the past few years since i had lost weight were really tough, i had to go through so much, but that is NO EXCUSE to gain so much weight. When i had initially lost weight, i was really depressed, and i had been depressed in those few years, and i didn't lose anything, i only gained. but this year, i think i really blew it.

And that medicine, i guess all it did is keep the extra fat at bay, i dont know what would have happened without it, and still i dont think i need it anymore, i need that will again, i need that urge to lose wieght, i need to look at food as a neccesity to survive not to see eating as a leaisure activity, and unfortunately, the family that i am brought up in, it is seen that food was a necessary additive to going out. Hey, i am not blaming this on my family, i blame it on myself, as a responsible adult i see myself as, i need to accept the responisibilty of the fact that i know it is wrong and unhealthy, and i STILL continue to do it.

I just sit here and i feel my body is suffering, really, REALLY suffering..i need to give it a break, and i need to start
and i keep telling myself, " i'll start when i get a memebership at that amazing healthclub," or "when i go back to kuwait", or "after that dinner out with dad.."

And i just look at myself in the mirror, and i wonder how is he going to see me tomorrow, he's going to look at all the other girls there, and be thankful that i am not staying...and all that love, all that, will be gone. I know men are not that superficial, but they like to enjoy the mate they have, and show them off as need be. and for me, i have nothing to show or impress. i am just a fat person with an even fatter person inside...

I know i shouldnt continusly consider his opinion, but every one else doesnt seem to mind my fat, but he has told me, he knows its a "temporary" thing, temporary setback..i have been trying to keep it off for a month, and i have done worse than i could ever anticipate...

Sigh, I am really sadistic today i know, must be that sugar/fat depression. Here it is diet stats:
Tuesday:

Breakfast: "Beleela" (whole wheat food/sludge), and 2 bananas + some sugar.

Snack: some cheese and bread, more "beleela", Popcorn (was at cinema, watching "National Treasure" amazing movie)

Lunch: Chicken and Meat queissedialls (i have no IDEA how to spell it!) from chilies

Snack: Peanuts offered by seeds and nuts man...

Dinner: Nothing just yet, God willing i wont have to eat anything, i am too bloody bloated..

A Start?

2005-02-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

Diary of a fat female.

Welcome to the Diary of a Fat Female! Which we will soon refer to as DFF. Pretty cool huh?

Well ladies and ladies, considering that probably the women will be mostly interested in reading this.OKAY FINE! Ladies and Gentlemen…happy? Welcome to my diary, to my daily online noted struggle against weight loss.
Welly…my stats, I am a fat tub of lard.
Okay! (breathe) I am an over weight female. I wasn’t always like this.
Hold on, yes I WAS! Well not for the years of 2001-2002. that year I had dropped from a size 28 to 16/18! I KNOW! Why didn’t I stay there and stick to that.. I have no FUCKING idea!
I guess my diet deteriorated over time, its pathetic really. I was always boasting around myself, I lost weight that, I beaceme size this. And I guess at the time people did really believe me, but now. I DON’T THINK SOOO!

This year might is a turning point in my life. I will be leaving my job and starting university soon. I should know my results tomorrow night or on Tuesday! Fingers crossed!
And I always had that dream to go to university with THAT perfect, figure you know?
Thinking to myself, University is a new start in life, with new prospects, and you should start with a new body as well…hey why not?!
I deserve it..i think..i hope..Oh God please help me!!!
(That’s how it starts!)

On Friday, I purchased a medication, “Xenical”. Which like works on you digestive system blade bla, and it sounds fab. Its main job is that it takes the fat out of your food through your digestive system, so when you go to take a “poop” (I’m trying to cut down on my swearing here), it comes out with it, so its all oily and stuff..
Pretty disgusting I know, but hey, as readers you have the right to know the graphic details!
Anyway, so on Saturday I decided to give the medication a go. So after a heavy meal, which was lunch, I took the medication.
The medication is advisable to only take when having consumed a fat filled meal as I did.
So there I was, taking the medicine, and as I can already imagine myself in bikinis, doing Baywatch runs on golden beaches etc..sigh…one can dream!
WELLY, my bikini will be black..okay BACK TO REAL LIFE!

So as I said, decided to get that will back, it will be all about exercise, healthy food, coming home from work and sleeping straight away and THEN having lunch when I get up..right? WRONG! I will elaborate in a jiffy…
So there I was, Miss. I started a new slate and I will lose weight and all that “YES I CAN!” stuff..oh sorry I forgot its called MOTIVATION or is it incentive?

ANYWAYS, as part of my great plan, I decided to have a food diary.
You know, using these appointment diaries. HEY IT WAS AROUND, I needed to use something.

Firstly, I got the measuring tape that I received as a gift with the Xenical pack, (plus a CD Rom and video about the medication) , and I wrote down the measurements, telling myself in a week, I will be loads less. Like one of the guys who used the medication dropped 50 kilos in 7 months!! I KNOW! So I immediately thought to myself…HELL, IF HE CAN DO IT THAN SO CAN BLOODY I!
SO, after lunch, I took myself down to the gym and I did my exercise, and BOY what a work out it was, and I immediately felt lighter…Yeah I was liking it. I looked in the mirror and I was like “just 7 more months and I am going to be HOT!” my bf is going to be showing me off and totally astounded with my overwhelming beauty etc etc… even though he loves me in all my plumpiness and stuff. And he has said that it’s a temporary thing…so it will be…I hope..If I need any motivation, it would be for him…wouldn’t it?

And then came my wild idea to go to Johnny Carinos. Yeah, I know! BIG BLOODY mistake!
As we arrived I devoured the bread and garlic that they serve, thinking to myself, hey this is a great way to try out the Xenical. So I ate away, but I ordered a salad, and naturally got that nauseous feeling I have after eating bread.
I tried to drift my thought into better things, for example, my beau, who is miles away and I miss absolutely terribly, And we had met at Johnny Carinos, and I felt all nostalgic so I decided to give him a call.
And I did call him ANYWAY, because he hadn’t told me his news all day, you know its worse enough being in a different country and you try to keep intouch.sigh.
So I call his royal ass up and he has this total attitude, it struck me so much that I checked my mobile to see if I called the right bloody number.
after I got a “I cant talk right now” I was pretty hurt and I ended the phone call as coldly as I could. I stood and looked at the mirror.
Bloody Idiot.

So I had two options in my mind:

a) Do not call or try to contact for as long as humanly possible, therefore, striking immediate feelings of concern and then acting all Diva and expressing hurt and anger for being such an asshole.
b) Send SMS, expressing concern and that calling was only to know that he is safe and in one piece and that I miss him.

Naturally, I would have chosen option a), as any right woman in her straight mind.
But that would have been with any other guy, not this one. I am sick and tired of playing all these games with men, you know. And this goes for all the guys that I had to do that to. I AM SORRY!
Also, my beau knows right away when I try to act up anything. I guess our relationship is above all that. We are quite serious so we just need to be straight up and honest.

Well I opted for option b), but I added the guilt tinging bit. I added the fact that I was ill on Saturday, which was the reason why I missed off work. I wasn’t feeling to well. He didn’t respond right away, But at 4 am Sunday morning, I checked my mobile with encrusted eyes and trying to focus. I had received a touching sms with concern over my health and two missed calls…SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!

I drifted off into sleep with a smile on my face.

SUNDAY:

The day had begun oddly as I woke up pretty late and was hoping that I would miss the day anyway and would get to sleep and it wouldn’t have to be my fault!
Ahh well, didn’t work out as planned, as my dad got up and I had to dress at super speed, just got into work, JUST!
And I had a free double lesson, which I was considering to take as a nap, but come to think of it, I don’t remember what I actually did with the time.

So I brought that diary with my, remember? I had written of course the fact that I ate at Johnny Carinos and that I needed to improve on Sunday. I had the whole “I have to be honest with myself and say exactly what I ate, I need to face the truth”. And by the end of Sunday, what can I say, TRUTH HURTS!

Breakfast: Cornflakes and milk

Snack: Orange and Banana and laban (Good!)
Peanuts (Okay, watch out)
Cake (WHOA! WHAT happened here??)

Lunch: Chicken, Salad and dates.

Snack: 5 cheese pattees (WTF?), Chocolate (WTF WTF?), ¼ fridge tasting swiss roll (WTF WTF WTF STOP!!!)

Dinner: 10 Pringle bits and laban (STOP! FOR HEAVENS SAKE STOP!)

There is a tomorrow, right?......

Oh, Sod it.